Am I Fat ? ?

One of the question’s that my misfiring brain asked me , when I was poorly …

You are getting fat , the intrusion was , I recall .. I automatically responded by checking my belt , to see if anything had changed there , I then looked into the mirror , looking for signs of …. maybe I am , maybe I am getting fat , overweight people die young don’t they , people will comment on it , they will say “god you have put weight on” what are you doing sort yourself out …….

Bring in the weighing scales , the mirror checking , looking for signs … weighing myself up to and over 15 times a day , checking the mirror , looking for signs of weight gain … then I started to check foods for fat content and calories , I also then used the fatal reassurance seeking , asking people if I looked fat , and of course that never works , never a solution , solutions to unwanted thoughts never work , do they …..but when undiagnosed you don’t understand , but then again when you are diagnosed , you do understand , but still fall into that behavioural pattern, of checking … looking for 100% certainty , avoiding things , checking , ruminating , feeling anxious, low self esteem … add to the list if you wish

I don’t know how I stopped the behaviours , but I did , like a lot of my pre diagnosis unwanted obsessions , I kind of learned that , or told myself that it isn’t working

Looking back , WAS I FAT ? ? Irrelavant , what was relevant was that I was under the grip’s of what I believe was an OCD episode , which lead me to believe I was ….

 

Hope it might help someone. Please do seek help though , if you are struggling , I am not an expert ,  just share my own personal story .

 

Ash.

 

 

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