Maternal OCD and the 10x10ks …

Hi , a blog about the 10 x 10ks I ran for the wonderful charity Maternal OCD >

So here we are , 10 months into the year and I completed the mission of running 10x10ks and threw a half marathon in for good measure !!

listed here are the 10ks .. 1.British winter 10k London 2 Fen Drayton 3 Huntingdon 4 Swavesey 5 Cambourne 6 St ives 7Norwich 8 Welwyn 9 Town and Gown , Cambridge 10 Bourne and of course the Cambridge Half Marathon !

I was officially going to run the Paris Marathon this year , but due to personal circumstances I had to withdraw , so in December last year the wife came up with the idea of running 10 x 10ks for Maternal OCD as she knew how close the charity was to my heart and that I was a good friend of a person , who has helped me so much with my awareness work of OCD , the super Diana Wilson the co founder of the charity . So I decided to take on that challenge, and it was , fantastic !! I eventually met the other co-founder Maria at the Welwyn 10k and she is a wonderfully wonderful person too !!

The last 10k which was on sunday the 16th of October , in my hometown of Cambridge was a very emotional experience , knowing that the journey has raised awareness of Maternal OCD and I got so much support and encouragement over the last 10 months. During the last 500 metres I was in tears of joy and pain , I wanted to stop as my legs were hurting a lot , but I said to myself , come on ash your legs maybe painful but remember there are mums out there that cannot lift up their baby due to OCD ….. that drove me on and gave me that final burst of energy ….. to cross that line , and boy was I proud !!


We managed to raise £1065.00 which is fantastic and a big thanks to all that sponsored !!

What is going to happen with the £ £ ? so far it has enabled Dr.Eva Zsk and her team take up the first stages of research into perinatal/postpartum ocd , where 8 mums will engage with and share lived experiences …

So that is the story of my 10x10ks ….



Confessing to things .. but still unsure. !

Thought i would write a Blog about confessing in ocd.  Here goes ….

Imagine having unwanted abhorrent sexual intrusive thoughts enter your brain , that cause huge, terrifying and disabling anxiety , and remain constant for 24 hours , non stop … and what ever you try to do to work out whether they are real or not , they simply return even harder, to the point of them becoming so strong you actually start to believe in them ….

Yes that’s OCD. and a person with OCD would also , carry out compulsions , like rumination, trying to neutralise the thoughts , self reassurance, drinking water to try and flush the thoughts away … the list is ENDLESS but however hard you try , by using compulsions , they only offer a small amount of relief, for some none at all …

Now Imagine not having any diagnosis of OCD !! the fear , the doubt, the debilitation the intensity of it all …. and however hard you try to convince yourself its not real , you become so exhausted after trying every avenue of escapism , it therefore must be true and that is where, for some the “confession” part steps in …. i need to tell someone … i’m a bad person …. So they go onto to disclose the thoughts to a partner/gp/health visitor/midwife as eg …. ” i have done XYZ , please lock me away” … and that is Where the recipient of the disclosure has to understand the disorder that is OCD and if not , do get a professional involved, who can go into the reasons why , what they are doing when the thoughts enter , how long they have been suffering etc etc … rather than making automatic knee-jerk reactions and adding further needless problems to the persons already suffering/well-being.

So yes , people do disclose to things that they have not done , they are doing it because its a huge cry for help and also a compulsion , because they want absolute certainty that they have not done the things the powerful bullying ocd has lead them to believe they have

Importance also, is that this is understood in Perinatal Stages , especially for those mums (and dads) that have had no history of OCD in past , and are hit by a sudden onset of it … !!