“WHAT IF” its not OCD !! ?

Often , very often you see this statement “what if its not ocd” from people in the grips of a debilitating illness called obsessive compulsive disorder .

I must say, even when i did eventually obtain a correct diagnosis of ocd , the ocd took on a new variation , the dreaded question “what if its not OCD” which leads onto one questioning the diagnosis ….. did you see what happened there !! OCD caught me out like the evil bastard does ….. DOUBT ! ANGST ! = Compulsions so its not ocd then , it must be something else !! therfore i need locking away to protect the public , yes please lock me away, that way everyone will be safe … right ? NOOO because if they did lock me away then those in the locked away place would be in danger !!!!! no let up !!!!

What i learnt from experience is , if you feel that your questioning whether it is ocd or not , id bet a million dollars everytime that it is ocd at work , and the rule of thumb in my way forwards to recovery was to recognise when ocd is at play , and a mantra i learnt is “if it feels like ocd , then treat it as such”

Hope this might help anyone who gets caught out by the OCD , The clue really is in the topic heading



#ASKASHOCD tuesday evenings at 8.15 uk time. A place on twitter where we talk and raise awareness of ocd



Dont know what to call it ? Ex sufferer ? Recovered ? Mmm ok ill go for ex sufferer.

So yes to become a ex sufferer I had to become my own therapist basically, because believe it or not , OCD prevented me from going to CBT ! It made me believe , as it does (doubting disease !! ) that if I did go for CBT they would say actually it’s not OCD !! You are insane and need locking away !!

So I turned the CBT down and said i was fine !! Avoidance at its best !

I then decided to gain as much knowledge as I could about OCD, reading books, gathering as much information as I could on how CBT works and what I needed to do, to get myself out of a horrid situation !

Acknowledging that I had OCD was vital, and what I did from that point was to write down each thought that caused suffering and what actions I did to rid myself of the anxiety, and the thoughts

Bit by bit I reduced the compulsions and also encouraged the OCD thoughts , bring it on is that the best you’ve got !! And simply refuse to carry out any form of compulsive behaviours !!

I’d also do the opposite of what OCD demanded, putting myself deliberately into feared situations and places !!

Sounds easy right ?? NO it wasn’t because I would slip up , and fall into engaging with the OCD often called *blips but I’d have to say and remind myself “hey come on ash , you know where this all stems from !” Pick yourself up, dust yourself down , and kick butt

So with perseverance , after 8 months the OCD had faded away !! No entourage of thoughts , Nothing what so ever !!!

And thankfully 11 years on that remains the same !!

It’s kind of interesting re pre diagnosis , at a young age I kind of had an internal ideation of what was wrong, and learnt that if I left it alone it would disappear !!

But of course when a new variant arrives , and it feels like you’ve been hit by a ton of bricks , that all goes out the window !!

So that sums up my recovery , but to add I had to make lifestyle adjustments to !! Knocked alcohol on the head ,took up exercise , ate more healthier, worked at good sleep hygiene , and importantly learnt to look after number 1 and become selfish to a degree, as I was doing to much for others and forgetting about me !!

I wish you well on your recovery , and hope you get to a point where you control the OCD and it doesn’t control you, or for some full recovery



Thought id write about this , as an ex sufferer and from what i have ascertained in the years of supporting those that suffer with ocd Β and raising awareness.

Dads with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder, one of the worlds top 10 most debilitating illnesses !)

How does OCD affect a Dad , be it post or peri natal !

Becoming a new father , or leading up to it , carries a big RESPONSIBILITY , its a life changing experience in more ways than one ! so for those that already suffer with ocd it can trigger new thoughts , for some who have never suffered at all in there life it can be a onset !! There are also those that suffer in silence, without any formal diagnosis of ocd , so unawares it can be a huge change in tack for the undiagnosed ocd

Notice the word in capitals !! RESPONSIBILITY . With ocd it becomes what we call HYPER RESPONSIBILTY driven by crippling anxiety and awful doubting caused from the ocd !!

An eg for a dad or dad to be might be “what if im not the dad of the baby” Now im sure all dads have had this unwanted thought, but are able to brush it away , but for dad with ocd it hits like being hit by a brick wall. The fears and angst attached to the thoughts causes huge debiltation, which would lead onto them carrying out a compulsion to work out if the thoughts are real or not , and search for 100% clarity

Typical compulsions could be , ruminationg over whether he is or not , checking baby for signs of alikeness and by carrying out these .this causes the ocd to increase in value !! where an increase of new thoughts might bombard , “what about when she went out …” then they could lead onto constant reassurance seeking , asking mum over and over !! sometimes to the point of requesting a dna Test !!

OCD can take many many manifestations , what if i harm the baby ?? What if i touch them innapropiatley ? What if i drown the baby when im bathing it ? This leads onto ocd destroying father hood because dad would avoid holding at all costs , sometimes dad would move out of house to live some where else , because the ocd becomes so powerful , they actually start to believe in it !!

Personally when i was poorly , pre diagnosis id constantly check if they were breathing , not just an hour ALL night , probably surviving on 2 hours sleep a day .

What if the blankets on there face ! what if they roll over ! what if they have cot death ? the thoughts were constant !! it was crippling

So on a footnote i thought id give the DADS a heads up dealing with this horrid illness !! It is beatable with the right help , and do not be afraid to seek it !! SOONER rather than later !!

CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is the golden key for treating ocd !! Gain lots of knowledge to !!

OCD ACTION are a fantastic charity for support and advocacy !!

This also goes out as my buddy Mark Williams is launching a new website for fathers this fathers Day

@DadsMatterUK on twitter whom @markwilliamsROW is co founder


Weekly ocd chats on twitter #ASKASHOCD tuesdays 8pm ish


Hi all ! Thought I’d try my hand at blogging !!

So here I am , and I’m going to briefly cover the #ASKASHOCD which I launched over a year ago on twitter Β !!

Why ? why is because I am, and have remained passionate about OCD awareness , not only for those that suffer but also those that live with the horrid debilitating illness ! since I recovered myself over ten years ago .

It’s been a huge success with top therapists joining in, and offering there knowledge as well as gaining some themselves !!

The hash tag actually has now been recognised by the country’s leading mental health charity mind ! Which is fantastic ! and proud to say the country’s leading OCD charity OCD Action also advocate it , a charity that I’m passionate about and proud to work alongside with.

Big thanks to Diana from Maternal OCD who encouraged me to start if off , and often joins the topics on a Tuesday evening on twitter around 8pm UK time.

Thanks also To Annie Cairns who helps every week , as a parent of OCD sufferer , her work is second to none

Never in my wildest dreams did I believe I’d be where I am now in regards to raising awareness of OCD 10 odd years ago !! But it proves hard work has and continues to pay off

Thank you all that join in !! Without you it wouldn’t happen

Onwards and Upwards !

Ash ❀